I have been shitting nothing but liquid for a week. I can sleep for 8 hours, only to have to rush to the bathroom to produce liquid excrement. I eat solid food. I don't understand where it's all going. It's getting uncontrollable.
I can't leave my house. The weather is beautiful and I am stuck on the toilet or in the shower for the majority of it.
I'm afraid that I'm going to lose weight uncontrollably again and be 120 lbs unable to lift myself up.
I don't know what to do about it.
I'm just scared.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Woah things are upside down yo!
Things are ridiculous, going through a divorce, things should be terrible, but I am maybe the happiest I have ever been. Even though this has blindsided me and kicked my ass, I have had amazing friends pull me up and get me back on my feet. I love each and every one of you. If you are wondering "Is he talking about me" I am. Seriously.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
To and fro and to again!
Over the past week I have been taking apart saws, stoves and various tools and such to fit into the back of a chevy pickup to take to Montana with my father.
Today I am packing 3 sets of clothes. Those that I will need over the next 4 days. Those that I will need over the next 2 weeks and those that I plan to wear next summer. We are leaving western Washington at about 6:30 tomorrow morning.
Snow levels have dropped in Washington significantly. We even have snow in Aberdeen! So it will be slow going to make this 1000 mile trip. Thursday night we plan to stay somewhere between Spokane, and Missoula. Friday and Saturday we will be staying in Missoula for a banquet and festivities with some wildlife club that is into preserving lands. Then sunday we make the rest of our journey to Columbus, MT, where we will be hanging a wood beam that is a few thousand pounds, then designing the ceiling for dad's cabin! HOPEFULLY this will take a week. And we will be coming back around the 10th or 11th.
We expect it to be between the 20s and 40s for temperature. We will be staying in a trailer. It will be awesome. Very excited! back to packing!
Today I am packing 3 sets of clothes. Those that I will need over the next 4 days. Those that I will need over the next 2 weeks and those that I plan to wear next summer. We are leaving western Washington at about 6:30 tomorrow morning.
Snow levels have dropped in Washington significantly. We even have snow in Aberdeen! So it will be slow going to make this 1000 mile trip. Thursday night we plan to stay somewhere between Spokane, and Missoula. Friday and Saturday we will be staying in Missoula for a banquet and festivities with some wildlife club that is into preserving lands. Then sunday we make the rest of our journey to Columbus, MT, where we will be hanging a wood beam that is a few thousand pounds, then designing the ceiling for dad's cabin! HOPEFULLY this will take a week. And we will be coming back around the 10th or 11th.
We expect it to be between the 20s and 40s for temperature. We will be staying in a trailer. It will be awesome. Very excited! back to packing!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
imuran in my van! I am batman!
I need to post in my blog god damnit.
I fear my body may go back to how it was and that the humira will not do it's job right if i don't take the imuran. but clearly the imuran is fucking with me. it's causing all of the symptoms the docs thought the mmj was! Here is a link to some info on the drug http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000602/ I will quote some of the warnings.
" If you develop any of these symptoms during your treatment, call your doctor immediately: stomach pain; fever; unexplained weight loss; night sweats or easy bruising or bleeding."
"If you experience any of the following symptoms, call your doctor immediately: unusual bleeding or bruising; excessive tiredness; pale skin; headache; confusion; dizziness; fast heartbeat; difficulty sleeping; weakness; shortness of breath; and sore throat, fever, chills, and other signs of infection. Your doctor will order tests before, during, and after your treatment to see if your blood cells are affected by this medication."
These are pretty much ALL of my symptoms. I am 80% healed they say but don't know why i'm still sick. I have a really good guess. You fucking morons. I'm going to smoke pot and have a great evening play Arkham City. I AM BATMAN!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Words when I have none
It has been a while. I have no real news. Anti-depressants are anti-depressing me. I'm supposedly 80% healed up in my stomach. I tried giving up pot for a while for the UW, it was awful, didn't do me any favors. I am convinced I feel so bad due to the side effects of my humira and azithiaprine. Also I am having the worst joint pain and migraines lately. I have an appointment with my family doctor in 4 days and I plan to get tested for RA, and get on some sort of daily migraine medication. And when I see the UW in a week, I plan to ask them where their proof is that marijuana is causing my pain. Because it has been over a month and I have no evidence from them that marijuana can cause pain at all.
Follow me on twitter if you aren't offended by words like shit, fuck, cunt, or boners. http://twitter.com/steevkrauth
Follow me on twitter if you aren't offended by words like shit, fuck, cunt, or boners. http://twitter.com/steevkrauth
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
What kind of pot has the UW been smoking?
My Dr. has suggested very strongly that I stop smoking marijuana because he believes it could be causing a portion of my pain and nausea. I have yet to find anything that supports more than pain on the discomfort level. I woke myself up 6 times screaming in pain last night. Also vomited 5 times between last night and today. I have god damned Crohn's disease, I have ulcers all over my intestines. How is it that he is more concerned about some slight discomfort from some marijuana? Do tests, find out what the fuck is wrong with me before you strip me of my crutch. The one thing that brings me physical comfort in this world.
I have tried to explain to them how I feel. They seem to think they understand, but they also thought my medical marijuana was taken via pill. So the University of Washington is completely uneducated on marijuana. So why would I believe them on this? I asked them to prove it to me with published articles saying that it is possible for me to feel as shitty as I did in my 1 day sober. 1 whole day where i couldn't eat.
I have a feeling that someone is pushing them to discredit marijuana, because I have only heard that it helps stomach issues, which is why I INHALE it. Fuck I'm still laughing about that one. It's also possible that my terminology confused them. Telling them I use up to 5 grams a day, they were thinking about pills *giggle*. Whatever. It's not my fault they know so little about something that most people with fucked up stomachs use. I've tried to share with them how much it helps, but they seem to think that is not relevant, that it is making everything worse.
I'm okay not being able to math, I'm okay not remember 2 minutes ago, I'm okay coughing, I'm okay having dry mouth. I'm okay with being okay with being bored. I WISH I HAD HALLUCINAIONS! (I never have). I'm also okay with discomfort and slight nausea from not smoking. But there was nothing minor about what I felt. Also with blood coming out of my ass and me only being able to shit turds with the diameter of dispensed toothpaste.
Do you have any sort of well informed information on this? It would seem that if the overuse symptoms were so extreme that someone on the internet would talk about it, much like I am right now. Due to my many experiences with doctors and medicine, I harbor a healthy amount of skepticism in this profession So please, prove my doctors right for me, since neither they nor I can do it.
*It is 12 hours later. I stayed up till 3:30am looking for ANY sort of proof that would provide evidence that my Dr is not completely full of shit. I have only found evidence to the contrary. As I had been led to believe there are many studies proving marijuana's effectiveness for coping and possibly healing stomach illnesses. These are the same studies that made me get my medical marijuana licence in the first place. So I think I'm done looking, it has become too taxing to prove someone else right over myself. Though It has given me a much larger faith in what I had already believed, and that is why I set out to prove my Dr right in the first place, because either I'd have to change my mind because of FACTS, or I'd be right. But if you feel so inclined to continue looking to prove that using too much marijuana can lead to long term stomach illness, please show me. I'm willing to read even opinions, but I refuse to believe anything that doesn't have facts attached.
I have tried to explain to them how I feel. They seem to think they understand, but they also thought my medical marijuana was taken via pill. So the University of Washington is completely uneducated on marijuana. So why would I believe them on this? I asked them to prove it to me with published articles saying that it is possible for me to feel as shitty as I did in my 1 day sober. 1 whole day where i couldn't eat.
I have a feeling that someone is pushing them to discredit marijuana, because I have only heard that it helps stomach issues, which is why I INHALE it. Fuck I'm still laughing about that one. It's also possible that my terminology confused them. Telling them I use up to 5 grams a day, they were thinking about pills *giggle*. Whatever. It's not my fault they know so little about something that most people with fucked up stomachs use. I've tried to share with them how much it helps, but they seem to think that is not relevant, that it is making everything worse.
I'm okay not being able to math, I'm okay not remember 2 minutes ago, I'm okay coughing, I'm okay having dry mouth. I'm okay with being okay with being bored. I WISH I HAD HALLUCINAIONS! (I never have). I'm also okay with discomfort and slight nausea from not smoking. But there was nothing minor about what I felt. Also with blood coming out of my ass and me only being able to shit turds with the diameter of dispensed toothpaste.
Do you have any sort of well informed information on this? It would seem that if the overuse symptoms were so extreme that someone on the internet would talk about it, much like I am right now. Due to my many experiences with doctors and medicine, I harbor a healthy amount of skepticism in this profession So please, prove my doctors right for me, since neither they nor I can do it.
*It is 12 hours later. I stayed up till 3:30am looking for ANY sort of proof that would provide evidence that my Dr is not completely full of shit. I have only found evidence to the contrary. As I had been led to believe there are many studies proving marijuana's effectiveness for coping and possibly healing stomach illnesses. These are the same studies that made me get my medical marijuana licence in the first place. So I think I'm done looking, it has become too taxing to prove someone else right over myself. Though It has given me a much larger faith in what I had already believed, and that is why I set out to prove my Dr right in the first place, because either I'd have to change my mind because of FACTS, or I'd be right. But if you feel so inclined to continue looking to prove that using too much marijuana can lead to long term stomach illness, please show me. I'm willing to read even opinions, but I refuse to believe anything that doesn't have facts attached.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
THC and me
I recently received my prescription from the State of WA for medical marijuana. Which I thought wasn't going to affect much since I was already using marijuana obtained via the black market to manage my symptoms. I was wrong. And not in the, "I get soooo high now!" way. It has opened up many new forms of THC that are conveniently and reliably accessible, and for only one product have I heard "we're waiting on our guy."
So what has the world of legal medical marijuana and marijuana dispensaries given me that has eased my life incredibly?:
1. Amazing affordable pot. - Simple as that. It is potent, there are a lot of varieties, and knowledgeable people to ask about effects and strength. I prefer a good mind high for being able to do simple things like cook, or go shopping, or playing music. But with being sick, something that relaxes my body and my guts relieves some tension and pain or possibly puts me to sleep is prefer, this way my body can hopefully heal.
2. Hashish - Take all of the stuff that has effect off the plant, condense it together and you have hashish. There are a couple ways to make it, both seem quite safe, no crazy chemicals going into it all, just pot. It costs double the price of regular herb, but the affects are longer lasting, deeper, and smoother. I like the way hash makes me feel. It really lightens my mood.
3. Tincture - This is a new thing to me. It's food glycerin (like in lipstick) and thc is extracted into it. You use an eye dropper to apply a couple drops under your tounge where it absorbs into your blood stream, it also absorbs at the back of the throat but there is no way to keep it there. I've heard you can also put it in tea. About 4-5 drops has gotten rid of all my morning sickness, moans, and groans very fast, it comes on in about 3-5 minutes and peaks around 15. It tastes nice too actually, the price is the same as hash, double that of chronic weed. I am very happy with this product.
4. Tea - THC tea that's right. a little packet of keif is put in with herbs or teas into tea bags, brew it. Makes a couple pots. takes about 15-30 minutes to come on, and 45-60 minutes to peak. It makes about 3 cups. It's nice and relaxing.
Throughout my time, I use all these forms of THC to medicate myself. Different situations call for different applications. (You shouldn't smoke pot in a parking garage)
I should note that the dispensary I go to is called Left Coast Cannabis in Tacoma. Really neat people, they have an open offer for me to come and play music and sing in the dispensary whenever in exchange for being medicated. I have taken them up on this offer once before and plan to again, was a lot of fun.
Left Coast also has some pretty awesome edibles, I unfortunately cannot eat most of them currently due to food allergies, but everything I had was quite potent and tasty.
So what has the world of legal medical marijuana and marijuana dispensaries given me that has eased my life incredibly?:
1. Amazing affordable pot. - Simple as that. It is potent, there are a lot of varieties, and knowledgeable people to ask about effects and strength. I prefer a good mind high for being able to do simple things like cook, or go shopping, or playing music. But with being sick, something that relaxes my body and my guts relieves some tension and pain or possibly puts me to sleep is prefer, this way my body can hopefully heal.
2. Hashish - Take all of the stuff that has effect off the plant, condense it together and you have hashish. There are a couple ways to make it, both seem quite safe, no crazy chemicals going into it all, just pot. It costs double the price of regular herb, but the affects are longer lasting, deeper, and smoother. I like the way hash makes me feel. It really lightens my mood.
3. Tincture - This is a new thing to me. It's food glycerin (like in lipstick) and thc is extracted into it. You use an eye dropper to apply a couple drops under your tounge where it absorbs into your blood stream, it also absorbs at the back of the throat but there is no way to keep it there. I've heard you can also put it in tea. About 4-5 drops has gotten rid of all my morning sickness, moans, and groans very fast, it comes on in about 3-5 minutes and peaks around 15. It tastes nice too actually, the price is the same as hash, double that of chronic weed. I am very happy with this product.
4. Tea - THC tea that's right. a little packet of keif is put in with herbs or teas into tea bags, brew it. Makes a couple pots. takes about 15-30 minutes to come on, and 45-60 minutes to peak. It makes about 3 cups. It's nice and relaxing.
Throughout my time, I use all these forms of THC to medicate myself. Different situations call for different applications. (You shouldn't smoke pot in a parking garage)
I should note that the dispensary I go to is called Left Coast Cannabis in Tacoma. Really neat people, they have an open offer for me to come and play music and sing in the dispensary whenever in exchange for being medicated. I have taken them up on this offer once before and plan to again, was a lot of fun.
Left Coast also has some pretty awesome edibles, I unfortunately cannot eat most of them currently due to food allergies, but everything I had was quite potent and tasty.
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