Since I have decided to be caffeine free, I have found an alarming amount of opposition. "Did you know that caffeine is ACTUALLY good for your digestion?" or "Caffeine is great for skin/mind/erections." usually followed by, "You should just have some." Mostly from people I like, and I don't get it. I mean, I do understand that the drug caffeine was around before I existed, and I know I am not the first person to start or stop doing caffeine. But why is it such a big deal to other people that I am not doing caffeine? I've heard more disgust over this than about the other foods i'm not consuming, like beef or alcohol. Not one person has exclaimed "OH NO! YOU CAN'T EAT A HAMBURGER OR DRINK A BEER?" But I've heard it about all the caffeine. And it isn't a matter of I "can't" I DO NOT WANT TO.
Okay let's tackle the core of my problems with this little stress.
I, from the time I was a young boy, have done caffeine nearly every day, soda, coffee, tea, energy drinks. Most of it is tasty and makes you feel perky and alert. I love the taste of a cold cola, I could drink 6 in a sitting if you let me. All the while drinking the other hot and iced beverages loaded with the drug. I would bargain I was putting away anywhere between 300mg to 500mg of the milder coke into my body each day.
When we began seriously considering Crohn's as a possibility for my health, the fact that caffeine can be a tremendous trigger alarmed me. When I actually looked for uncaffeinated beverage options, the problem became much larger to me. The problem isn't that caffeine negatively affects my health, but that I don't have much of an option besides, soda, coffee or tea while driving. Water is even kind of hard to find and they give it in such tiny cups and get indignant if you ask for larger ones.
So when I stopped doing caffeine, I threw up, A LOT!. I had cold sweats, anxiety attacks, and pain everywhere, it felt like I was sweating pain, all on top of the the discomfort that the unknown Crohn's had been bringing me. Basically I had the flu for 3 days, hallucinations and all, not fun ones, just crazy stressful ones.
Yet through this terrible discomfort, and personal hell, I woke up on day 4 and instantly knew it was worth it. The urgency in my movements had become minuscule, I could HOLD IT! That was an incredible feeling, to have some sort of control over the waste depository of your body. Despite the days taking about 4 times as long without caffeine, I feel multitudes better without it.
Last night my in-laws were bringing my wife into town, and we went to dinner at ACE BBQ. My head was hurting pretty bad yesterday, more than it has in a while, and even more right now. I had two cups of tea hoping to deal with the head pain, didn't really touch it. But something that has happened and I believe it to be a direct result of the caffeine is that I was up before 3AM this morning with a movement in the chamber and the gunpowder starting to ignite. I was able to hold it and make it, but it was the most explosive, loose, gross feeling stool I've had in over half a month. This worries me. I have racked my brain, and the only things I did different yesterday, were no milk, and I had 2 caffeinated drinks. Since milk is also a possible "trigger" I don't think it's absence would cause this. Also the pain that I feel in my gut is a stabbing pain, not a dull roar.
So to all of you who have kind words of caffeine, about how it will make life so much better. The truth of how I feel about it is this, I don't care. Caffeine is pure hell for me. I feel pretty well versed in the effects, benefits, and negative side effects of caffeine. I'm sorry if you can't take my word, that it's bad for me. I'm well past the point of making shit up to be cool.
After coming off caffeine and this brief experimentation with it, I have come to the clear conclusion, it is terrible for me, and I have a sinking feeling it's not really good for anybody. Think about it, the only reason we need caffeine today is because we've had it in the past. Don't stop doing it though, not because of my words.
It is also clear to me that we are all addicted to caffeine, the way people have pleaded with me to put it to my lips is almost as if they are trying to convince themselves that it's okay and good to do. It seems that caffeine has no negative hype, (which is good for soda companies, and Tarbucks.) The other people who have quit this drug are very anti the drug (because they like the way the feel off it,) but they get all soap boxy and preachy about why no one should do caffeine. Screw that, do all the caffeine you guys want, if it makes you feel like you have a quality of life you can sustain while on it, AWESOME! I'm not here to change you, I'm here to figure out me. If it helps you too? Then bully for you.
We are all functioning addicts. What we are addicted to is our choice.
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